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This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Aaron Charles Kesler who was born in Danville, Indiana on March 19, 1985 and passed away in his home (Ladoga, Indiana) on July 17, 2006 at the age of 21 from an overdose of Methodone. We will love and remember him forever. Light a candle or tell a story... Friends, if you have a photo to share, upload it!!! You always have been and always will be a part of it all. And, to all of you that are visiting because of the article or billboard thank you for taking the time. Aaron was going to save lives as a fireman and it touches us deeply to see that maybe he still will save some lives... Thank you.
PLEASE CLICK ON "HIS LEGACY" TO READ "AARON'S STORY"...
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Click here to see Aaron Kesler's Family Tree |
 Tributes and Condolences |
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5 Very Long Years / Mom Mom (Mom)
July 17 2011 is the 5th year mark of my Aaron my only son, my babys death. I'm having such a hard time. I always have a hard time but this year is especially difficult..I wonder where or how we would all be now. I know I could...
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Happy Birthday / Dan Kesler (Dad)
Happy Birthday HoneyboyI sure miss you. I just took care of the dogs you would really love them they r brats and retards just like the rest of yas.
I know your Mom is gonna try to be a recluse today but I choose to try to celebrate your life and the...
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Huh... / Sarah Kesler (Sister)
Bitter sweet, yet again... Just ordered the last Dave ticket... Can't help but replay the weekend that we went. We had so much fun. We were going to do this together for as long as Verizon/Deer Creek was standing and then move...
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January 27, 2006 / January 27, 2009 / Mom
As I wrote the date atop one of my formulas at work today, January 27, 2009, a chill came over my heart, body and soul. Why??? Three years ago, right now as I am writing this, Aaron had to be in Dan and...
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Christmas Tree / Patty (MOM)
I hope whoever took the love, time and effort to make my baby's "place" so special this Christmas with a wonderful Christmas tree will read this. You touched my heart in a way it hasn't been touched in a long ...
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37 Months - August 17, 2009 / Mom Read >> |
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"My Pies" / Paula Cole (Aunt) Read >> |
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THE LITTLE BOY WHO ALWAYS SMILED / SHAWN CHERRY-PARKER (AUNT) Read >> |
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Sorry / Kaitlin; Adam's Sister Bruckner (Passing thru ) Read >> |
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New news... / Sarah Kesler (Sister) Read >> |
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Every situation still calls for you... / Sarah Kesler (Sister) Read >> |
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SENDING MY LOVE & PRAYERS / Bren O'Neal Read >> |
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Aaron / Lizard-Beth (Almost Aarons niece ) Read >> |
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Remembering Aaron / Dana Ellis (Friend) Read >> |
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My baby's monument is set / Moma (the one who loves him endlessly... ) Read >> |
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| His legacy |
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Sarah's (Aaron's Sister) Point Of View
There is a lot to say that I won't get all out today...
Aaron, people loved him A LOT... He has a ton of close friends. They/We miss him very much.
Anyway, when Aaron was born, everyone (but me) thought he was the greatest thing in the world. I felt that he had just taken up a lot of attention that was mine. As he got older he was a little cooler, well, a bunch cooler. He's always been a pretty funny kid, if you get our brand of humor.
He played baseball, soccer, and competed in Ironman ATV races. He had always been great at everything he does. He put heart and soul into his life. Work hard, play hard, sleep well. He always enjoyed it all. He has always been there for anything that anyone needed him for, he's a stand up guy.
Aaron went to college for Fire Science and Safety, he was to be a fourth generation fireman... We were ready... Aaron's gonna save lives, one way or another. Now we just have to help him a little, or a lot...
The way things are is sad but true... Never take life for granted, or the people around you. Those you love can be gone in a flash. Try not to argue, try not to fight, always try to love and have fun.
We wanted you to know that Aaron died from an overdose of Methodone. He was a recovering addict and had been doing well until someone that we all thought was his "friend" gave him the pills. He had a good day that day, went golfing, helped a "friend", talked to me and the girls (was gonna come see us the next day) came home, hung out with Mom and Dad for awhile, said he was tired. He went to bed... Mom went in to wake him up the next day and when she walked into the room she knew... He was gone. The moral of the story is, you can be whoever you think you are, be the best person in the world, addiction grabs hold of who it wants to and will demolish your world.
More...
Now that some time has gone by, you'd think that this would be easier... Well it's not. I have run out of different stories to tell about Aaron because he doesn't do anything anymore (not that I can see). That is harder than anything. I love the stories of times I have/had with my brother... I can't have fun with him anymore because someone/something took that all away. Our mom always told us that "Hate is a waste of emotion." I feel a lot of that lately about the something and SOMEONE that took MY brother. My only one... Why did IT pick him? Why do we have to learn how to live with out him? Why now? Why so fast? Why didn't we get the chance to say goodbye? Oh, screw that, never gonna say goodbye... But, why does it have to be this way? Did we do something wrong? Did he? I don;t ever want to have to go to another funeral for someone who hasn't lived yet... Someone with so much to live for, so much potential...
No one is the same now. Everywhere I go, someone is missing Aaron. I hear about it all the time. I am glad that he has so many friends that love him so dearly. I am glad that they learned from his mistake. But why did it have to be him? There are so many more people in this world that are going to be nothing... Why didn't the "demon" take them... After all it did take him just for fun. Aaron talked about some of his friends to me, he loved them all very much, almost as if they were family... Whenever one talks to me about him, they tell me that they love me (that's only because I am the sister of their friend), I always tell them that "we" love them too. Aaron will never stop loving us... This I truly believe. I just want to hear it in real life, not the recording that we have. I wanna make him kiss me on the lips in public and hug me and tell me that he loves me. I wanna squish him when he's trying to sleep. I hate the dirt that we lay on and pretend... It's never gonna be the same.
Everyone who reads this and looks at the site, please, take a step back and look at your bigger picture and see what needs to be done. You do not want to feel the way we do.
July 23, 2007
Well, we hit a year and "survived." That is the best I can say. Nothing has gotten a whole lot brighter or easier around here. We still miss him and cry for him everyday... I feel like everyone that tells us that it's going to get easier is full of it. Every hard time I have, I long for Aaron's help. I may be his big sister, but he took care of me for a long time (as soon as he was bigger than me). I wanna squish him and hug him and cut his hair... His was the only haircut I really ever enjoyed.
He did bless me with his presence in a dream on 7/17/07. He just sat there with his face right in mine for about 3 minutes... Out of old habit, I told him to get away from me... Damn those words. If I were concious at the time, he could have stayed right there in my face forever...
June 19, 2008
I still miss my brother so very much. I have mostly adapted to this new world, but often still wonder what things would be like if he were still here on earth. I cry a lot. Especially when something/ANYTHING is screwed up and I know that he would have fixed it for me. He IS still the best brother and friend that any person could have asked for. I wish I would have realized it sooner so that I could have had the wonderful relationship that we had the last couple of years for longer... I do have many regrets, I'm sure we all do... Memories will keep him alive in our hearts always. I try not to feel to bad, cause you can't change the past. I just try and do better with now and in the future to instill in my children what I have learned thru all of this. Life will never be what it was before, I am still trying to accept that, as I am sure we all are...
August 26, 2009
Just recently "found" the use of my emotion's again... Kinda strange... It's been about 3 years since I really had any... Took some sorting and adjusting... I still miss him and wonder what he would think of different things that go on in my life... I still feel like he was the best brother that I could ask for in my life and wish we could have had him longer... Still wish I could have been someone's "sister-in-law", "Aunt Sarah" and all those things that I am going to miss out on for the rest of my life... Family gathering are still weird... Monumental moments are all bitter sweet... Thank him all the time for "choosing" Kayden to be my baby... Pray that he and all the rest of my angels are having tons of fun up there doin what they do... Thank him for gettin it together with God to finally have given me the life that I deserve... Ya know I didn't get all this without some help!!! Still talk to him daily... Cryin less and less often... Get to have happy thoughts... Talked to one of the EMT's that came and got him yesterday... He assured me that my bubby looked peaceful when they took him away... That made my heart a little happier... I will always live with the "what if's" about it all, but they are far more tollerable... I have had the oportunity to help people with the knowlegde and insight that I have gained thru all of this. For that I am grateful... I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AARON CHARLES KESLER!!! Thank you for all that you did for me and still do...
7/16/2011
Oh Brother...
Ok, so... This weekend we went camping at Lake Waveland with the kids. There was an event called "Camp and Drag". Air-Ride trucks draggin their frames on the ground. So many people having so much fun. Kids REALLY enjoyed it (GOD I WISH YOU COULD BE HERE TO PLAY WITH THEM, ESPECIALLY KAYDEN). Anyway, I thought of my brother all weekend and how much he would have loved it and how much more fun he would have brought to the time we spent there. I STILL do that ALL THE TIME. When we go swimming at Mom and Dad's house, when they ride the 4 wheeler's, when they have a school program, or even when we are just sitting around. I just wonder... I don't cry as much, I don't feel the need to go to the cemetery as much, I NEVER get on this site... I'm not sure if that's so I don't hurt or what?.?.? I don't know... Never SEE people look like they hurt over the loss of a person for THIS long. Hannah still cries for Aaron and talks about him all the time. She loves to wear his clothes and ride his 4 wheeler. I'm not sure how to do anything with the "situation" that is our life now, even still... I wish I could fix it all... I just don't know... |
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AHEAD: Aaron's story from a mother's perspective
AHEAD: Aaron's story from a mother's perspective
Wake up parents! Hindsight is a horrible thing. Why didn't I see, why didn't I know? It was all right there, it was obvious- after the fact. I lost my only son, the bright light in my life, my total life during the last six months of his life, my son who promised to take care of me in my old age.
Aaron's first taste of Vicodin was in sixth grade at 11 years old. He had an accident at school and had cut off the end of his thumb. When he had to have four teeth pulled to have braces applied, he was given Vicodin again. Aaron always had trouble with his feet. He was diagnosed with Plantar Fascitis and was given pain pills until surgery and then more pills post surgery. All during this time I, myself, had pills, Vicodin and Oxycontin for arthritis in my knees and spine. Since then, I have had both of my knees replaced. I didn't take as many pills as prescribed, so I always had extra. I didn't think that I needed to hide or count them, what for? I went ahead and started hiding them when I could tell they were moved. I also started counting them and had a piece of paper with the correct quantity right inside the bottle. Aaron would change the number. When I asked him about the discrepancy, he would look me straight in the eye and say, "No mom, I didn't take them." Of course I believed him! I would have bet my life that my son was not a liar or a thief!
Like I couldn't figure it out. This is the "Demon of Addiction." I stared locking everything up except what I needed for the day and that was always on my person. By this time Aaron had been at Vincennes University for four semesters. He had one more semester to go to receive his degree in Fire Science and Safety. He was going to be a fourth generation Firefighter. Proud? You bet!
While at Vincennes, he met a 'friend" that lived close to home in New Ross. They could carpool, plus Aaron would work for him on the weekends and breaks cutting down trees, removing storm debris, etc. It worked out great. He really didn't have to work 40 hours a week and was paid in cash. Aaron had a very large and close knit circle of friends, but he never brought this "friend" home. Why didn't I see? Why didn't I know?
When Aaron went back for his final time at Vincennes, he called me about a week later. He was so upset. He didn't want to be there. He hated being away from home. He couldn't sleep. I asked him if he wanted me leave work and come and get him so I could take him to our family doctor. He was crying, it cut me like a knife. I calmed him down by explaining that he was only there four days a week and could come home every weekend, plus he only had three months to go. When Aaron came home two days later we went to our family doctor who put him on antidepressants and something to help him sleep. This was in August 2005.
I knew he had a problem. He wasn't getting his pills from home anymore and he was away from home in a college town. You figure it out. He finished with Vincennes and came home for good at Christmas, our last Christmas together. Aaron had one more class to finish, American History. It had nothing to do with Firefighting and he could complete the class online. He was two weeks away from getting his degree when we lost him.
I was never really honest with Dan, his father, about the depth of Aaron's addiction. I'm the type of person that if I can take the brunt of a problem, I will to save hurt or disappointment from others. Dan had a problem with his neck and was given Vicodin. He had put them in the medicine cabinet with the vitamins. I told him he needed to put them somewhere else, out of sight. This was Jan. 27, 2006. When I got ready for work that day, I found half of an unfamiliar pill on the floor. After returning from work I asked Dan if he had broken one of his new pills in half. When he said, "No," I said, "Then we've got a problem." Dan checked his pills and at least 40 Vicodin were gone. I called Aaron immediately. He was very upset and seemed slow. When I asked what was wrong, he said that he had just been stopped by the police for erratic driving. He told the officer that he was just too tired to drive. There happened to be a coffee shop nearby and the officer told him to go there and not to leave until he could drive. He was on his way to Terre Haute. Aaron was going there to celebrate the anniversary of the first date with his girlfriend, Krystal.
While I had him on the phone I asked what happened to his dad's pills. The "Demon" answered, "I don't know, what pills?" I talked with Aaron until Krystal arrived at the coffee shop. Aaron had called her during a lucid moment. I listen to his breathing and the crazy things he was saying. When Krystal got on the phone, I told her to take him to the emergency room now! She asked what she should say and I told her to say everything, tell the truth! I was getting ready to leave for the hospital when Dan told me that Aaron was looking for his prescription bottle before he left, I had assumed that it was the prescription that the doctor had prescribed. Dan found it and the bottle had Vicodin, Zanax, pills that I didn't know what they were and a cut straw in it. Aaron wasn't just taking pills, he was snorting them too! I arrived at the hospital and poured the bottle into my hand to show the doctor. It was too late to pump his stomach, so they had him drink the charcoal. He stayed 22 hours and had talked with a psychiatrist. This was the beginning of my 24/7 with my son.
Aaron went home with Krystal to Terre Haute. He was safe there. He knew no one to get pills from and Krystal was adamant against drugs. Keep in mind, I went everywhere with Aaron. He wanted me to go to every psychiatrist or physician evaluation, etc. with him. During our conversations, Aaron was brutally honest with me. I had learned quite a few things then. This is when I figured out that he was withdrawing from Oxycontin in August of 2005. After Aaron came home, we went to the family doctor and told him everything. We tried a different combination of meds and had made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told us that addiction wasn't his field and had suggested we go to Cummins.
At Cummins, Aaron had two appointments with a psychiatrist before starting in group counseling every Tuesday. Of course I was not allowed in during the group sessions, but that was the only thing that I did not participate in. He really enjoyed the group and had a real connection with the therapist, Tom Zinski. Aaron and I would discuss what he had talked about if he brought it up and really wanted to. This is when I had found out that his pay from the tree service was some cash, but he was mostly paid with pills. You can't keep your kids away from drugs if the "Demon of Addiction" is in control.
As Aaron was being taken off of these drugs, he had very bad headaches and couldn't keep food down. We went to the doctor every week, sometimes more, changing the combinations of meds, pills that were supposed to curb the urge. Besides our family doctor, we went to private counselors and group therapy. My employer, Nor-Cote International, helped by letting me go whenever I needed to without adding any extra guilt. Heaven knows I already had enough of that! We tried everything for the headaches. Finally we went to a neurologist for a MRI. We were totally honest with him about the drugs and what we had already done. He thanked us for our candor and said that knowing Aaron's history had cut out much of the testing. Most people do not want to admit the real problem. The doctor explained what was happening the best. He said for years certain parts of Aaron's brain didn't have to connect with certain nerves because of the drugs. Now without the drugs new connections were needed for the brain to function correctly. These connections would grow back, but it would take time. Anything else would show up on the MRI.
During this time Aaron was hired at the steel mill in Pittsboro. He passed the drug screen, showing negative for all drugs. He was very proud of himself and felt good about his life. School would be over with in two weeks. He was through with his training at the mill and was ready to start his real job there. The training was straight days for four weeks. His regular job was on night shift. Aaron had four days off to change his sleep schedule around. He would start working on Wednesday. I had the whole week off because my birthday was on Friday and I had always taken that time off.
Monday we were going to open Aaron's first checking account for direct deposit of his paychecks. We also had an appointment with the neurologist to find out the results of the MRI. We already had to change the appointment four times because of his new job. I was on the phone that day with the doctor's office to move Aaron's appointment up because he wasn't working days. All this time my son was lying in his room, in his bed, dead.
I was letting him sleep as late as possible because of his schedule change. At 11:57AM I left my room and quietly opened his door. I knew he was dead as soon as I saw him. That was exact moment my, as well as everyone else's, life had changed. My heart was ripped out of my chest. I went to my baby, MY BABY. He was cold and stiff.
"NO, NO, NO, NOT MY BABY! My only son! NO, NO, NOT MY BABY!" I hugged him, I laid with him and I stroked his chest, his belly. I ran my fingers through his beautiful curly hair. "THIS IS NOT REAL! NO, NO, NO!" Everything was going right. This can't be happening. "NOT REAL. NO!"
The end: Monday July 17, 2006. The day before the fifth anniversary of our house burning down. Aaron was buried on Friday, July 21, 2006, my birthday. The autopsy report was negative for everything that he was fighting. It was positive for Methadone. I have gone to many doctors, therapists, counselors and groups. I am a member of the Prescription Drug Abuse Prevention Task Force. I'll do anything or go anywhere I think that will help us. The first place that I went was to Aaron's counselor at Cummins, Tom Zinski. He had explained to me that it wasn't my son who was the liar and thief. It was the "Demon of Addiction." It's like being two people. There's no rhyme or reason who he picks or when he shows up. He's very cunning, slick and strong. The "Demon" is hard to control. I was glad to know that my son, Aaron Charles Kesler, really was a very good man. The boy I had raised to be an honest man and the one everyone loved. I think Tom Zinski is in the right job. Very much so.
I choose to believe that Aaron took the Methadone, which he had gotten from the same people in New Ross, to help him sleep. I don't think he knew what he was doing, especially since he was clean. If you are used to taking large quantities of Vicodin, Zanax, Valium or any prescription drug, you really don't think anything will kill you. I had asked the coroner how many pills the numbers on the autopsy report equated to. He said two, maybe three pills. They say Methadone is the "one pill can kill" drug. Everyone, because it's not only kids, who take and abuse prescription drugs think nothing can happen to them. That's not true. When you die you are through, done, gone. It's your family and friends who are totally devastated and destroyed. Whole futures are no more. Every facet of their lives are changed forever. Why would you want to do that to the people you love?
I know my Aaron is so mad at himself and is sorry for everything that is happening now, because the pain is never over. If he could choose, I know that he would come back. He wasn't finished and neither were we with him. His autopsy report was clean except for Methadone. He had learned to control the "Demon of Addiction", but the "Demon" still won and we lost big. Not just Aaron, but all the other children who think that they are invincible. YOU ARE NOT!
Please leave a note or light a candle to let me know his death wasn't in vain. He wanted to save lives as a Firefighter (fourth generation). I hope he can this way too.
Aaron's mom Patty
http://aaron-kesler.memory-of.com/
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